The Blur Without the "Blah"

There are moments when I forget that my time on this earth is never gauranteed. Sometimes, these moments come in good circumstances, like after a long day out on the boat with Emily and her family - a Sabbath of sorts - filled with good conversation, great food, and plenty of time out in God's spectacular creation. On those days, I fall asleep feeling as though the pace of life has been slowed down, and I feel invincible.

Other times, these moments come as I face more difficult circumstances, such as at the beginning of tough academic semesters, or on the Monday of a work week that promises to be arduous and slow. Here my pace of life also slows down, but the clarity I experience unfolds in a much different way. Instead of falling asleep with a starry sky "like a backlit canopy with holes punched in it" (shameless Incubus reference) on my mind, I close my eyes on these nights and deliberately ponder the day's accomplishments, while thinking about my schedule for the future and what tasks must soon be completed.

On the flip side, there are days when I pause to reflect on my life and realize that the recent past has become a blur. This is one of those days. Looking back on the first six weeks of this summer, I'm seeing in a very tangible way what James meant when he wrote that our lives are like "a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14). In this season of my life, each day seems to string seamlessly together into the next and as I look back I see only a blur and it's hard to pick out recent events, conversations, and accomplishments from my memory. The old cliché rings true: time flies.

Sometimes I get frustrated when this happens. Do you ever feel like I often do when I think, "I only get so long on this earth and I want to cherish every minute," and I end up feeling... (let me phrase this eloquently)... blah? To be honest, I find myself in this position quite a bit, ever increasing with age as I've realized that life tends to fly by way more than it stands still. So, in this moment in which I feel like my life is a blur, in which that James verse resonates in me more strongly than ever, I should be in that old, familiar "blah" frame of mind. But I don't feel that way right now. And I think I know why.

I don't feel "blah" because even though I can't "stop this train" no matter how hard I try (allow me to point out that that's a John Mayer reference, just in case you've been living in Saskatchewan for the last three years), my entire being - soul, heart, body and mind - just feels happy. Jesus tells us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind" (Luke 10:27) and that's exactly what I've been doing:

• I've been waking up early to read the Scriptures each morning and my soul is refreshed.
• I've been loving God with my mind by listening to Podcasts from people like William Lane Craig, one of a growing number of scholars who loves Jesus and understands that having faith in God makes the most sense intellectually.
• I've been excercising and eating healthy and I've never felt better physically and my strength is bringing glory to God as I take care of this body he's gifted me with (I understand I may be stretching Luke 10:27 on this point, but I think I've got good Biblical ground to stand on in other passages - see 1 Corinthians 6:19).

The list goes on... and even though I can't pick out too many specific moments from the last several weeks because it's been such a blur (although engagement photos with Emily, the truck pool party, birthday dinner with my family, and the all-nighter with Jeremy and Brennon certainly stick out), I know that I've been loving God and (trying, though far from perfect) to live life like Jesus told me to by those little things that I've bulleted above, and in turn, He's turned my "blah" into a tangible joy (a la Psalm 126) and a "peace that passes understanding" (Phillipians 4:7). And even though I'm excited for those moments of clarity to return, those moments in which I can enjoy the stars by a campfire with my fiancée and reflect on life, I am finally content with life in the fly-by times, and I'm pumped for this blur to continue.